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May Wilkerson May Wilkerson

Bill Maher Offers Rules for Marijuana Newbies

The comedian and talk show host has some advice for people in Colorado trying weed for the first time, so they "don't ruin it for everybody." Such as: Don't mix pot and booze, because, "it's like funny porn; it actually makes both awful."

5 Substance

Lots of folks are smoking, vaping or eating weed for the first time now that it’s legal in a few states, and not always with such successful outcomes. Panic attacks that end in the ER, driving stoned, and letting your kids or pets eat your edibles, are just a few examples of how people are doing pot wrong. In response, comedian and cannabis connoisseur Bill Maher has some words of advice: “You guys have to get this right,” he tells Colorado, on HBO’s Real Time With Bill Maher this past weekend, “or else you’ll ruin it for everybody, so embrace it. Be the Jackie Robinson of pot.”

The public service announcement (below) is also partially directed at Maureen Dowd, the New York Times journalist who recently wrote an op-ed detailing her disastrously bad trip on pot-edibles in a Denver hotel room. But it’s not pot’s fault, Maher explains, people just need to learn how to use it. So he has a few basic ground rules for first-timers, including:

1) Don’t mix pot and booze. “It doesn’t make it better just because it’s two good things,” says Maher. “It’s like funny porn; it actually makes both awful.”

2) Don’t eat pot the first time you try it. Edibles lead to a much more intense high than smoking or vaporizing. Says Maher, eating pot on the first try “would be like losing your virginity to Ron Jeremy.” (In fact, Maher doesn’t eat marijuana at all. He says it makes him paranoid, and “nothing ruins a party like people who are paranoid and delusional. Just ask the Republicans.”)

3) If you do it eat, be patient. He says in a few hours, you’ll be thinking: “You’re doing a heck of a job, brownie!”

4) And if you’re stoned, don’t hide in the bathroom, and don’t stare in the mirror too long. ‘Nuff said.

He also urges vendors to stop selling marjuana-edibles that look like children’s candy. “That’s not what stoners would do,” he says. “That’s what RJ Reynolds would do.”

But most importantly, Maher wants everyone—from amateurs, to experts like himself—to keep in mind: “You don’t need drugs to have a good time, but why take chances?”